Dealing with conflict

I saw an interesting quote today that said “War never solved anything, Except Slavery, Fascism, and communism.” Think about that for a minute. Many people try to avoid conflict at all costs. They don’t like it. Its scares them or makes them ill. I think that at times and for the right reasons, conflict is necessary.
What if there had been no Civil War? Would we still have slavery? Someone, or many people for that matter, stood up for what was right. Of course, if you study history then you will know that both sides in the civil war were certain that they were right. Both sides were certain that God Almighty was on their side and they fought accordingly. It’s a fascinating study. The point is that without the willingness to face conflict and seek resolution then I believe our very spirits would atrophy. Growth, both personally and communally doesn’t occur by apathy.
Sometimes though, an intransigent attitude or position will only deepen what could otherwise be an amicable solution to disagreement. Especially in marriage it’s important to seek common ground when conflict arises. Avoidance and indifference to growth through the process can only deepen the conflict until it reaches a point of, in the case of marriage, what is usually divorce.
In twenty four years of marriage before I lost her, my wife and I never once went to bed mad at each other. Sure we had disagreements. Sure we didn’t always agree, but we never let it fester. We faced it, we resolved it. We loved each other deeper and deeper every day.
I had a poor relationship with my father. There, I said it. We didn’t see eye to eye on many things. I left home at an early age. I could do better on my own than under his roof. We were polite to each other. I tried to get my children to spend time with him as often as I could, children need a grandfather, but we never resolved our conflict. When he passed away I gave the eulogy at his service. It was only then that I finally understood what I wouldn’t see in all those years. My father was a good man. It was the alcohol that did all those things. He was a good man and I missed that chance to have a meaningful great relationship with him. That opportunity was there the whole time and I think he tried many times to reconcile but I had started down the same path of alcohol abuse as he and I think I blamed him. I blew it and didn’t face the conflict and have had to deal with that in my life.
I think that the best way to face a conflict is to first examine my own life. This is best done thru prayer. What are my motives, my goals, my agenda. Seeking to follow MATTHEW 7:5 and, to paraphrase, ‘Get the log out of my own eye so I can more clearly see to get the speck out of my brother’s eye,” can only make the resolution of any conflict beneficial to all.