How do I forgive

Last week, somewhere near Seattle, a father killed his five children and then himself. I think the children ranged in aged from 15 down to 3. He was apparently in some sort of insane rage over finding his wife with another man whom she told him she was leaving for. In the aftermath, the woman said that she had not entered into a sexual relationship with this other man to that point. Her marriage was obviously in turmoil and she felt it best to extricate herself from it. Of course her husband is now dead but would it be possible for her to ever forgive him for what he did to her children. How could she ever come to that point? I don’t know if she is a Christian. I don’t know if forgiveness is in her vocabulary. Are we, as humans, capable of forgiveness to that extent?
I see a woman here in my local community who seems to have a perpetual black eye. Every two or three months I see her, usually at the grocery store, and it appears that she has a fresh set of bruises on her face. It tears at my soul to see that and I know there are many studies and things showing why some women in these abusive relationships stay in them. That seems to be a different type of hurt-forgiveness cycle.
I am not sure if we, as humans, have the capacity for total forgiveness and absolution for the wrongs against us. Our heavenly father required a sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins and we celebrate that very, final, sacrifice this week, culminating with the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord.
Yes, we are made in the image of our Lord and maybe at some point in our maturity as Christians, we could reach a point of being able to totally forgive and forget. I don’t think I have reached that point yet. I have this cycle of growth and strength in my Christian walk where it seems I am stripped bare and that’s when I have the most growth, when I am left to realize how fragile I am. Like the Tamarack tree which seems at first glance, to be similar to all the other evergreen trees in the forest, but each fall it turns a bright yellow and then all the needles fall off and it’s left there seemingly bare. But it is one of the strongest trees in the forest. It will re-grow its needles, and add a growth ring to it trunk. It will continue to grow.
Maybe the Christians among us are like that. Seemingly, like all the rest of humanity around us, we then turn a different color from time to time and are left bare. Then we add a growth ring and are strengthened.
When I have trouble forgiving someone I find that the only, and best, thing I can do is to pray for that person. I have to take my eyes off them and off myself and the perceived wrong that’s been done, and place that person in the eyes of the Lord.
Whenever someone who I have had issues with in the past comes to the Lord, I sometimes jokingly say, Darn, I was really counting on hell-fire and damnation for that person. But seriously, that’s always a cause for praise. Praying for the person who we feel wronged us is so calming and healing that to not do that prevents us from growth. We can’t make a decision for Christ, for that person but we can find peace in our lives by praying for them.