Your Choice

It has been two years since I lost Karen and still, I struggle trying to find my direction in life. Some give me counsel to move on and others have told me that it takes one year of recovery for each five years you were together before you are ready to move on. That would make it a five year healing process.
Sometimes I have these flashes of inspiration and direction and I feel like I finally have it all figured out. Then after a few days and second guesses I have reverted back to uncertainty. Sometimes I think God is leading me in spirit and giving me clues to his will for my life, and then I think maybe God’s real message to me is, I’m not ready to make those decisions yet. I do think however, that one message is very clear and that is that I need to be in school. The how’s and where’s and what’s seem to be vague, but the drive of the spirit is very strong.
I know what I want to study, I know what I want to do with that degree, it’s the, if I may revert to a couple posts ago, stepping out of the plane that trips me up. Choosing to listen and obey.
I have faith that if I earnestly pray and seek the Lord then all these other answers will be revealed. Its interesting that in my quiet times this week I read about Abram, and God calling him to leave his ancestral homeland and move on to a new place. I don’t compare that of course to my particular place in life and don’t believe God is going to make a great nation of me by obeying. I just find myself thinking how very hard that must have been for Abram, stepping out into the unknown. Unknown land, unknown people, and unknown future except for the promise of God. He could have made a different choice but didn’t.
There are so many unknowns and fears in my life, so many choices to be made or avoided. My dearest friend champions me. She pushes me, questions me, gives me food to think on, and also respects my uncertainty and emotions. She has the answers to many questions that I haven’t even thought of. Mostly she keeps me tracking in the right direction. I believe God has placed her in my life for many reasons and He uses people like that in our lives to reveal Himself.
I have choices to make. Everyone does in some aspect of their own life.
Fruit
I just had to say that.
Its been an interesting and at times very emotional ride. It is what it is, and where it ends up has yet to be determined. Our life is all about choices isn’t it? Our whole life is about the choices we make. Good or bad, choices determine our direction and our future. What will mine be? What will yours be?